The One Where No One Believes Tony
by AlexaNDYE
Summary: No one believes Tony when he tells his team that all the sex he and Pepper have are Pepper's kinky ideas.


Tony walked into the communal living room with a little tune in his step. He hummed to himself as various designs ran through his mind. He was building something complex that would benefit the whole Avengers team, but he was stuck on the color scheme.

Clint, Steve, Bruce, Maria, and Nat were all lounging in the area when he entered. Steve, Maria, and Nat were playing with a deck of cards, Clint was throwing darts at a dart board across the room, and Bruce was sitting quietly next to Maria with an open book in his hands.

Clint glanced over at Tony when he entered the room and flashed a smirk.

"So, Tony, how was your night last night?" The archer asked.

Tony raised an eyebrow at him. "It was… good. Why are you asking?"

"Because," Clint took out the darts from the board. "You and Pepper were quite loud. Want to keep it down?"

Tony didn't let the subject get to him. "We weren't loud…"

"Oh, yeah you two were." Maria chimed in as she dropped two cards into a pile on the table. She glanced over her shoulder to look at Tony.

"You guys are like… rabbits… Hey, how is that fair?" Nat looked down at the cards on the table and then looked at Steve.

Steve shrugged. "This is my first time playing this game, so don't look at me." He threw down a card in the pile and drew two.

"Rabbits, really?" Tony gave his team a look.

"You guys practically do it everywhere." Clint laughed and threw a dart at the board without looking, and, of course, the dart hit the bulls-eye. "On the sofa, against the window, on top of the bar—which, by the way, I am never drinking there ever again." He pointed the dart at him.

Everyone in the room turned their heads to look at Clint, and Clint immediately got the lingering message.

"What?" Clint looked at the others. "I've walked in on them like six times now—don't tell me you guys haven't."

There was a pause.

"Can't say I haven't…" Bruce said as he turned the page of his book.

"That was _once_ , Bruce." Tony huffed.

"No, actually, last month was once. Three days ago was the fourth time." Bruce tipped his head at his friend.

"Where else did you two do it?" Clint looked around the room. "Let me guess. You guys did it on that couch." He pointed to the couch Maria and Bruce were sitting on.

"If you must know… Yes, we did. On both couches, actually." Tony said prominently.

"…And I'll be standing up and playing." Maria quickly announced as she got up and off the couch.

Steve shifted in his seat and winced. He didn't want to have to get up and move, nor did he want to have to stand and play, so he sat there and tried not to think about the entire thing. Nat, on the other hand, continued to play. Tony's confession didn't faze her. She's seen worse.

Bruce got up and sat on the ground; he flipped to the next page and continued to read his book.

"And just to be clear, none of this," Tony gestured to the conversation. "None of it was my idea."

Clint gave out a laugh. "So, you're telling me that all the adventurous sex you two do isn't _your_ idea?"

Tony gave him a nod. "Yes, exactly."

Clint laughed again and threw a couple darts at the board. "And you expect me to believe that?"

"You don't?"

"It's really hard to believe such a statement, Stark. Especially when you're a renowned playboy." Steve spoke up as he watched Nat throw down a few cards into the pile. He looked at the singular card in her hand and worriedly hummed to himself.

" _Was_ a renowned playboy—and how is it hard to believe?" Tony asked sternly. "Pepper was the one that wanted to have sex against the large sculpture in the middle of the room. She was also the one that wanted to have sex in the wine cellar, and that time when you caught us, Nat – against the fridge – yeah, that was her."

Everyone in the room looked at Tony as if he were crazy. Tony impatiently looked at all of them; he didn't like the fact that no one in the room believed him.

"What!?" He practically yelled.

Clint plucked the darts off the board and made his way back to Tony. "So, you're telling me all those times I've caught you were Pepper's 'kinky' ideas."

"Yes!" Tony stared at him.

"I find that _really_ hard to believe."

"Wha—Why!? Isn't it obvious!?" Tony threw his hands in the air in frustration. No one was taking him seriously while he was trying to clear his name for all the times they've caught him and Pepper in the weirdest places.

Maria cursed under her breath and picked up five cards from the deck. "You're talking about the CEO of Stark Industries. The woman that practically runs your life. The woman that saved your ass countless times and loathes PDA." She turned to look at Tony, and all he could do was stare. "Pepper doesn't look like the kind of woman that would do that."

"Are you kidding me!?" Tony let out, clearly upset. "In the closet, in the meeting room, in her office, in my office, in the elevator, in the pool, against the fireplace, in the suit, on the balcony of this tower, on top of my car, on every surface of the lab on all ten floors, on the bathroom counter, on every single piece of furniture and practically every surface area of this room – all her!" He tried to tell them, but all they could do was make an unpleasant face as they surveyed the room.

What they didn't want to do was imagine Tony and Pepper having sex on all corners of the room.

Natasha still wasn't fazed; she dropped her one card in the pile and looked up at Tony. "Isn't it kind of mean to put all the blame on your girlfriend?" Steve and Maria glared at her since she nonchalantly won the card game. The two stared at each other with such intensity as the fight for second place began.

"I—She—You—Why!?" Tony stammered. "It's—you know what. I'm calling it in." He took out his phone and dialed Pepper's number. "Hey, Pepper. Can you come to the community living room? Okay, thanks." He shoved his phone back into his pocket and rested his hands on his hip. He was clearly agitated. "We're settling this once and for all."

Clint chuckled and threw the rest of the darts at the board. "Just admit it, Stark. We won't judge you otherwise."

Bruce looked up from his book and flashed an unpleasant expression. "In the lab… really? We work there…"

"It was her, I'm telling you—"

"Tony?" Pepper's voice was heard at the front door. Everyone looked over their shoulder and saw Pepper walking in from the elevator.

"Ah, the woman of the hour." Tony graced her presence with sarcasm. "Honey, come here for a second." He curled his finger at her. She raised her eyebrow, curious as to what he had planned, and voluntarily joined him.

"What's this about?" Pepper asked as she surveyed the room.

"Tony is trying to convince us that you are, in fact, behind all of the kinky sexual endeavors you two endure." Nat spoke up; everyone turned their heads to look at the couple as they all wanted to know the answer.

"Go ahead," Tony flashed a smug smile. "Tell them." He gestured to the entire room.

Pepper sighed loudly and looked at her boyfriend. "Really, Tony? This is why you called me down here?" He gave her a triumphant look and gestured for her to continue. "All so you could blame me for your fantasies?"

Tony went from smug to horrified and shocked in a split second. "You—What!?" He paused to stare at her. "Me!?" He pointed at her. "It's all you!"

Pepper rolled her eyes and sauntered off towards the elevator. "I'm going back to work." She didn't sound the least bit impressed with his antics.

"Bye, Pepper," Steve waved.

"Pepper, no!" Tony trailed after her. "Come back here and tell them all of the kinky sex we've done!" He shouted loudly. "I have the rug burns and claw marks to prove it!"

Bruce and Clint watched as Tony followed her out of the room. Everyone went back to their own activities; Steve and Maria were still battling for second place, Nat was quietly observing the match, Clint changed things up and began to throw the darts at weird angles, and Bruce continued to read the novel in his hands.

Silence followed as the couple took the elevator.

"So," Maria was the first to speak. "Anyone believe Tony?"

"Nope." Steve replied.

"Mm." Bruce hummed.

"I caught them having sex in a mess of holograms in the lab on time." Clint came up behind the couch and threw the dart. Although it was a very weird and impossible angle, the dart somehow found its way to the bulls-eye. "It's hard to believe that it was Pepper's idea."

"She doesn't seem _that_ adventurous." Steve threw a card down.

"Well, one thing is for sure." Nat took a sip of her drink that was on the table. "I won't be swimming in that pool anytime soon."

Bruce closed his book and got up from the floor. "Well, if anyone needs me, I'll be doing some yoga in my room." He stuffed his reading glasses in his pocket. "Hopefully they didn't have sex in there, as well."

"See ya, Bruce." Clint waved, and Bruce waved back.

He approached the elevator, but the AI interjected before he could press the button.

"I wouldn't the access the elevator just yet, Dr. Banner." JARVIS suddenly spoke up.

"Huh?" He stared up at the ceiling.

"Miss Potts and Mr. Stark are currently working out some… _minor_ differences." Although it wasn't directly stated, the AI implied more than enough for Bruce to get the picture – a picture he didn't want to imagine since he's walked in on them enough to last a lifetime.

Bruce groaned inwardly and ran his hand down his face. "Really, right now, off all places?"


End file.
